Special Needs, The World We Live In

Speak Up and Speak Out

Marisa

A stapler. A piece of paper. Staples.

Basic office supplies, right?

Now imagine you sent your child to school only to have them come home with a note to you that had been stapled to their head.

I bet you would be pretty pissed off.

Now imagine you were then told by the superintendent that the person responsible for this, an aide in your child’s classroom, was only going to receive a note, a warning in their personnel file not to do it again. She’s still in a classroom and with vulnerable children.

I bet you would be livid.

This isn’t a made up scenario.

It happened.

It happened to a little boy with Autism in Boardman, Ohio.

This child is verbal and was able to tell his mother what happened. Had he not been, there is a pretty good chance that she would have never known because the school did not notify her about it.

Take that in– an aide stapled a note to a child’s head and then they didn’t even tell the parent about it.

I tell you what, this isn’t even my child and my level of anger and disgust about this incident is through the roof.

This is an example of why I spread awareness and why I advocate and talk so much about my boys.

Even though my children are in a educational setting where they are loved and treated with dignity and respect and cared for, I will continue to speak up and speak out for other children who aren’t as lucky.

So, if you’ve been following this story like I have, you may be wondering what you can do?

Reach out to the Boardman Local Schools Board of Education. Tell them that a written reprimand is not enough. Tell them that their attempt to sweep this under the rug will not go unnoticed.

Speak up and speak out because all of our children deserve better than what the Boardman Local Schools has given this child.

Contact info for Boardman Schools:

Vickie Davis, Board President
Email: vickie.davis@boardmanschools.org
John Landers, Board Vice President
Email: john.landers@boardmanschools.org
Jeff Barone, Board Member
Email: jeff.barone@boardmanschools.org
John Fryda, Board Member
Email: john.fryda@boardmanschools.org
Frank Zetts, Board Member
Email: frank.zetts@boardmanschools.org

Tim Saxton, Superintendent
E-mail: Tim.Saxton@boardmanschools.org
(330) 726-3404

https://www.boardman.k12.oh.us/

https://www.wfmj.com/story/43314584/boardman-teachers-aide-reprimanded-for-stapling-paper-to-students-hair

fcvblogsquad #floodthefeed #macadematters #boardmanohio

Special Needs, The World We Live In

You Need to Do Better

Marisa

The teacher’s aide involved STAPLED a note to the head of the child involved.

Read that again.

She stapled a piece of paper to the skin of A CHILD because he forgot a water bottle at home.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

As if that wasn’t enough, the punishment didn’t fit the crime, friends.

The aide was simply reprimanded. A note was placed in her file. She kept her job. She’s still working in classrooms with children. She faced no criminal charges.

Her punishment was a NOTE– a warning. Do people really need to be warned that they shouldn’t staple things to the head of other people? I thought that was really just basic common sense. Do we need warning labels for staplers now?

And the child involved?

YouHe’s afraid to return to school and rightfully so. I cannot even begin to comprehend the emotional damage this woman cause to this child. His trust was breached and she succeeded in breaking his trust of people he hasn’t even met yet.

She also broke the trust of the parents for every single educator they have to hand their baby over to. I can’t even imagine how they can stomach the idea of sending him to school anywhere ever again.

As a parent you have to be able to trust the people who’s care you leave your children in.
If you’re a parent of a special needs child you need to have that blind faith and trust even more so.

All children are vulnerable, but a child with special needs is even more vulnerable. It is not unreasonable to expect that you can send your child to school and not have them return home with having had a paper stapled to their head by their classroom aide…or their teacher…or the janitor…or anyone.

This is not okay.

Not holding this woman accountable for her actions is not okay.

The school board, the superintendent, the principal, the teacher, and the aide involved all should be ashamed of themselves.

They failed this child and in failing to protect him, they are failing to protect all the students in their charge.

They need to do better.

https://www.wkyc.com/article/news/local/boardman-teachers-assistant-staples-piece-of-paper-to-students-head/95-ef8cb028-dd45-46f9-bfc3-89b78743d01f

https://www.wfmj.com/story/43314584/boardman-teachers-aide-reprimanded-for-stapling-paper-to-students-hair

#fcvblogsquad #boardmanohio #macadematters #floodthefeed

Parenting, Special Needs

Worry vs Wonder

Marisa

I am a natural worrier.

I can think, rethink, and worry out every single scenario possible. Becoming a parent only amplified that.

From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I worried. Every single twinge and ache and sensation worried me. I scoured the pregnancy books to calm myself and prepare for what was to come.

Along with that worry came wonder.

I wondered each pregnancy who my babies would be and who they would become. As I have watched them grow there has been wonder in all they do and all they are. Never far away, though, was worry. In the early days I scoured all the parenting books to calm myself and prepare for what was to come.

Fast forward to an April day where I sat in the pediatrician’s office when I poured out my worries about my son and his development. There is no parenting book to prepare you for the news that your child has a disability.

That day set off a new set of worry and wonder.

I worried that life would be unnecessarily hard.
I worried that he would never speak.
I worried that he would never be independent.
I worried that he would be lonely.
I worried he would never have a friend.
I worried about what would happen to him if something happened to my husband and me? Would someone love him the way we did?

I’d lie awake at 3am and worry about anything and everything I could imagine.

Frankly, I wondered what the hell we were going to do. What was the right course of therapy? What was the right type of educational setting? How could I juggle all the appointments and evaluations with work? How would we pay for it all?

But what replaced that worry and wonder?

Wonder of how hard my boy worked. Wonder at how far he has come. Wonder at all he knows and tells me. The worry is there, but they showed us odds and we exceeded the expectations.

I wonder sometimes how we did it all, but we made it through.

Then last March. Deja vu. Round two began with another diagnosis of my other boy. All those original worries revisited me.

But once again so did the wonder as he scaled his mountains.

I once read that faith and worry cannot exist in the same place so you have to decide where to live.

For the most part, I believe that.

When I focus to much on the worry or the wondering, I lose sight of the wonder of all that is good and all that is amazing.

The worries will always be there.

I will always wonder if I am doing enough for my boys or if I can lighten their load somehow.

But most of the time, the worry and wondering is replaced by the wonders that are my boys.

Social Media, The World We Live In

The Content of Character

Marisa

I sat down to write a blog post today. It was meant to be about the new year and resolutions and changes. I have tried to be more organized in this new year. I want to be focused and wrote in my planner to sit down and write that post today.

But, today I can’t. I just can’t.

I am sorry if what follows here isn’t your cup of tea. I am sorry if you find yourself offended because I may have a different viewpoint from yours. This blog is a work of my heart and right now I feel like I need to speak what is on my heart.

This world feels like it is on fire.

Yesterday, I tuned in to watch the process being conducting in our Congress. I expected it to be ugly. I didn’t expect what I saw.

I didn’t expect to be watching a discussion in the Senate as the feed cut to black and the footage of what was going on outside the Capital Building began to unfold.

I’ve seen footage of people storming government buildings and calling for the heads of elected officials before…on TV….in movies….in other countries. Not here. Not in the United States of America.

Trump supporters gather outside the Capitol, Wednesday, Jan. 6, 2021, in Washington. As Congress prepares to affirm President-elect Joe Biden’s victory, thousands of people have gathered to show their support for President Donald Trump and his claims of election fraud. (AP Photo/John Minchillo)
UNITED STATES – JANUARY 6: Rep. Jason Crow, D-Colo., comforts Rep. Susan Wild, D-Pa., while taking cover as protesters disrupt the joint session of Congress to certify the Electoral College vote on Wednesday, January 6, 2021. (Photo By Tom Williams/CQ-Roll Call, Inc via Getty Images)

It was not right.

What happened was wrong and so many levels. It wasn’t peaceful protest. The peaceful part of the protest ended when a mob of individuals made the decision to march to the Capital Building, storm it, and get people killed.

This “peaceful” protest turned into an act of insurrection and a literal coup. It was wrong. This should bother everyone regardless of who you voted for or what you support.

The aftermath was quite possibly more disturbing.

Immediately, social media blew up. A simple scroll can find you all sorts of incendiary tweets, posts, memes, and conspiracy theories.

Worse than that, was all the people coming out to justify the actions. My mind was blown by the excuses. I was called a sheep. I was told to stop drinking the Kool-aid. I was told that the actions and words of people don’t matter. I was told all the hate flying around didn’t matter as long as the economy was good. I was told that the actions of these people yesterday was okay because they are mad and they are frustrated about these election results. And what about anti-fa? What about BLM? What about? What about? What about?

What about it?

When did deflection become a defense of the indefensible? When has “whataboutism” replaced calling out bad behavior? Why is anyone trying to defend this?

My four year old doesn’t get out of punishment for pushing his brother because his sister yelled at his other sister months ago. An attempt to justify by pointing out the behavior of someone else doesn’t work from children and it certainly isn’t acceptable for full grown adults.

Now, I try to avoid political discussions if I can. I believe we are all entitled to our opinions and views and that is fine. I don’t think me harping on you about my political policy views is going to change any of yours or vice versa. I would just rather not have those conversations especially when all too often they become disrespectful.

I will say this, I believe it is okay to think differently than me or your parents or your neighbor. I can respect we all don’t think alike, but there is a line where it becomes more than a difference of opinion.

But, I will tell you what I believe and what will never change.

Actions have consequences.

Sometimes, as difficult as it can be, there are grey areas between what is right and wrong, but yesterday was not one of those times.

Kindness and love will never be out of style. I believe they are attributes and not weaknesses.

The content of one’s character matters.

Words matter.

A few extra pennies in my 401k will never be worth more than the price of my soul.

If you want change in the world, you need to be part of that change. Vote. Advocate. Run for something. Be the good and be the change.

Hate will always be in the world. But as long as love exists, hate will never EVER win.

Be the good in the world. Be a helper.

Uncategorized

The Hindsight of 2020

Marisa

Here we are. It is another New Year’s Eve. 2020 is finally coming to an end and we are preparing to turn a page into the next year.

On this night last year, we celebrated with friends and proclaimed that this would be our year.

Spoiler Alert: It Wasn’t.

2020 wasn’t the best of times, but for me, personally, it wasn’t the worst of them either. I know how fortunate I am to be able to say that.

No, the year did not go as planned. Crap, I chucked the planner in the trash around mid-July. But, we came through. We came through with our health, a roof over our heads, and each other. We were lucky to not lose a job or income or any loved ones to the pandemic that raged on. I count those blessings each and every day.

Yes, this year held disappointments.

We missed out on birthdays and holidays and time spent together with family and friends. We learned how to wear a mask and made social distancing part of our lifestyle. We cancelled trips and gatherings and adjusted as we went.

We remotely learned. I learned that being a teacher is 100% not within my general capabilities. I struggled to help my daughter with fourth grade math and maintain my sanity and patience along the way. I appreciate teachers more today than I ever have.

Resiliency and going with the flow were key to our survival this year. We learned to swerve and then swerve again and again and again.

But there was a bright side too.

No, 2020 wasn’t all bad.

Before the pandemic stopped us all, we had a chance to take a vacation to Mexico with my parents and one of my brothers. It was a wonderful calm before the storm that came.

My cousin and oldest friend who I had not seen in several years due to military life came home and we were able to spend time together with our babies. It was something my heart very much needed.

I spent more time together with my husband and children in the last 10 months than we have in our entire lives together. The slowdown and slight pause in our lives was the gift we didn’t know we needed. The time spent watching movies, playing in the yard, having game nights, and dancing in the kitchen will live in my heart forever.

Yes, 2020 will be memorable for ways I never envisioned coming.

There have been harder years for me than 2020 and there have been much better years than 2020. But, in it all I lived. I loved. And I learned.

Some lessons were harder than others.

The world showed a lot of it’s ugly this year. There were people I deeply respected that I just can’t any longer. There was cruelty and there was division. Somewhere along the line kindness became weakness, disagreeing peacefully became old hat, and helping out your neighbor became a faux pas.

But. There was also beauty too. There were simple acts of kindness. There are people who fought for change and will continue to do so because if nothing changes then nothing ever changes. There were the soft hearts that kept on doing what they do and sharing their beautiful hearts because if they didn’t, then the world would win.

Intent was my word for 2020.

I wanted to be intentional in all that I did this year and I think in some ways I accomplished that. In some ways, I just survived.

As I reflect on where 2020 left us, I realize I learned a lot about contentment this year and appreciating what I have. I have four walls that keep me safe and warm. I have a doting husband and four pretty fantastic kids. I have an amazing family and a pretty spectacular collection of friends. This year really highlighted who and what mattered most.

My biggest lesson or self realization, if you will, came from really understanding the difference between a want and a need. It’s more about learning to love what you have than always having what you want.

Focus

As we move into 2021, my word for the year is focus.

I want to focus more on cultivating friendships and creativity and even my garden. I want to continue to spend time with family and friends and love my tribe with all I have. I want to focus on my physical, mental, and spiritual health and that of my family’s. I want to focus on doing more of what matters to me and what is important to me. I am learning to say no and accept the unique challenges in my life.

Happy New Year’s Eve!

I wish you all health and happiness in the coming year. I hope you are safe tonight and celebrate in whatever way feels right for you.

I’ll see you next year.

A Few of My Favorite Things, Travel

Nashville Strong

Marisa

As some of you may know, I am Ohio born and bred, but I spent a couple of the best years of my life in Nashville, TN while pursuing my undergraduate degree at Belmont University.

That time in my life is so special to me. I finished degree and had some of the greatest experiences. I met some of the most amazing humans there and made some of the best lifelong friends that a girl could ask for. It was the place where I found myself and really came into my own.

Nashville will always be home to me.

Yesterday morning a horrific act of what can only be described as terrorism happened in Music City. Some one for some reason decided to set off a bomb on 2nd Avenue. It destroyed buildings and businesses and it displaced residents from their homes.

Thankfully due to the quick thinking of first responders the damage to human life was minimized.

If you have ever been to Nashville, 2nd Avenue is a big part of the tourist district. I walked that street so many times in my years there venturing in and out of bars, restaurants, and shops.

The thought of what thr damage could have looked like had it occurred at a different time of day makes me ill.

It makes me sad that someone believed that they had the right to damage, break, and destroy what was not theirs. It makes my heart heavy to acknowledge that kind of evil in this world. These kinds of acts can never be justifiable.

My heart is with that Southern city.

I mourn with Nashville for the damage and heinous act that was perpetrated yesterday morning.

I loved my time living in Nashville and I would move back given the chance. I love the place and the people and my time there. I will always claim it as “home” to me.

Nashville, you’re strong and resilient.

We are all praying for you.

Parenting

Taking the Attitude of Gratitude

Marisa

This year has been a tough one. I think it threw us all for a loop. We all had plans and goals and dreams for the year that the world has other plans for.

We were cruising right along until a worldwide pandemic and slow down stopped us.

If I take a moment to step back and reflect, there is a lot for me to be grateful for during this season of thankfulness.

I would not fault anyone for marking this the worst year and writing it off as such. It is easy to lose sight of all the great things that 2020 brought when we think too much about what it didn’t.

I worked full time for the first eight years I was a parent. I missed out on so much extra time with my older kids. This year gave me a lot of additional time with my kids that I wouldn’t have otherwise.

📷 : PS Photography, LLC

During the shutdown we spent more time as a family enjoying each other than we ever have. We played games. We binged on movies. We spent ALL the time we could outdoors. I think our front porch, front yard, and swimming pool got more use than they ever have.

My husband and I spent so much more time talking, connecting, and yes, bickering than ever. I wouldn’t trade any of it though.

I think I spent more time talking to my parents and siblings this past year than I have in a long time. Using FaceTime requires a bit more communication than just sharing the same space in a room.

We were and have been (knock on wood) able to maintain good health.

My husband’s job has survived a shut down.

We have a warm, safe space to lay our heads down in each night.

The fridge is stocked and the lights are on.

We have good friends and a tribe that loves us and it is there for us. They allow us to return the privilege.

I am thankful for the amazing teachers in my children’s lives that worked so hard this year to be partners in learning with us. We are so lucky to have the educators we do who love our children as much as we do.

We have been really lucky to have amazing therapists for our boys. They have both made amazing strides. I am thankful for finding them and for all the amazing work they do.

I have really learned that sometimes life is best lived when you finally get that it isn’t about always having what you want, but wanting and appreciating what it is that you have.

When you take the time to realize who and what really matters, you’ll find that you’ve really missed out on nothing.

📷: PS Photography, LLC
Parenting, Social Media, Special Needs

The Why Behind I

Marisa

I have always been a lover of the written word. I love to read and I love to write. I spent my college years studying communication and the art of crafting it.

Post college graduation I ended up stuck in a job I hated that was the furthest thing from creative. I still read, but I had pretty much abandoned my writing aside from a rambling Facebook post here and there.

In Spring of 2018, my oldest son was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Around that same time my husband landed his dream job and the dream of me being able to stay home with our kids became a reality. By that October I was a full time stay at home mom.

I love being able to home with my kids. I am grateful for my husband’s hard work that allows us this opportunity. The transition from the workforce allowed me to also think about creative outlets again.

I had been toying with the idea of blogging for a while. I wrote a guest post for one of my favorite blogs and constantly formulated blog ideas in my head. But, to be honest, every single time I came close to taking the leap, I talked myself right out of it.

Enter Toledo Moms

Earlier this year Toledo Moms launched in my area and I was an absolute fan from the start! It is an amazing resource of moms in my area that covers all sorts of life stages and topics.

They put out a call for writers in February and I applied. I was hopeful and nervous about putting myself out there, but so excited to be welcomed on their team. I am proud every day to be one of the amazing Toledo Moms.

Joining up with Toledo Moms and writing with them relit my fire. It gave me the push I needed to start my own blog and put my thoughts out there.

So I did it. This little work of heart launched this summer. It is a work in progress.

That’s the how, but what’s the why?

So, I have explained how I got here, but what’s the point? What is my point? Why do I put my thoughts out there like I do?

Well, it is my passion. I love to write. I love to create. I love the craft with words. I don’t think I have the great American novel in me at this point, but I do have some pretty big thoughts and opinions.

And, Autism. I have two boys who are on the spectrum. They are at two very different places in their journeys and their autism manifests in very different ways. One very important thing I have learned on this journey with them is that even though autism is fairly prevalent, it is still very misunderstood and the resources are still very limited.

When my Jack was diagnosed I was sent out into the world with basically a wing and a prayer. I learned to research. I learned the lingo. I sought out other mothers who were navigating similar paths. I learned a lot from some amazing moms who have chosen to share their hearts and families with the world on Facebook and blogs.

I also learned to advocate like a mother. I learned very quickly what it means to be the driving force and push for evaluations, push for funding, and to seek out the right interventions and providers.

I choose to use this blog in part to be a voice for my sons and for others like them. Education is key and understanding is so important. If I can spread some awareness, sprinkle some kindness, and help someone else along the way, I will consider it a success.

I am me first.

I don’t just intend to blog about autism. It is a big part of my life now and a huge piece of our family dynamic, but it isn’t everything. My boys have autism, it doesn’t have them. So, while it is always there and always with us, it still isn’t everything.

I’ve got a pretty awesome husband and I have two amazing girls to go right along with my boys. We have some pretty awesome (mis)adventures that I like to share too. There is a lesson in everything.

While we are living in a moment in time where the world seems so heavy and sad and angry, my message is kindness and hope and the power of yet. I hope that always shines through.

Parenting, Special Needs

What I Wish Someone Had Said to Me

Marisa

Dear Mama,

Today you received your little one’s diagnosis. You have answers. Sometimes answers make more questions. Sometimes answers suck. Sometimes answers are just hard to absorb.

Today is a hard day, I know- I’ve been there. Sometimes there is no preparing your heart no matter how hard you have tried.

The day I received my older son’s Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis I was a cornucopia of emotions.

I was sad.

My heart grieved. My tears weren’t because there was something “wrong” with my child. The tears fell because I was accepting that autism would be with us forever and autism would complicate some things for my boy. All parents want life to be as simple as possible for their children and autism added a caveat of hard to his life.

I was angry.

How many times in our lives do we say, “It isn’t fair?” That is how I felt. It didn’t feel fair that my boy would struggle.

It didn’t feel fair and I felt angry that the pediatrician didn’t take me seriously when I first suggested something wasn’t right. We lost precious months of early intervention because I wasn’t being taken seriously.

I was lost.

Okay. We had a diagnosis, but now what? They hand you a nicely typed report and send you out to navigate it yourself. There is no one size fits all therapy combination and nothing holds guarantees. It took me a moment to find my footing again.

I wish that someone would have told me that it was okay to feel my feelings. Because you know what? It is okay to feel every which way you feel in this moment!

Be mad. Be sad. Be relieved. Be stressed. Be strong. Be whatever you need to be. Give yourself the grace to feel what you need to feel.

I don’t have a crystal ball and I don’t know that it will ever be “alright” in my life so I can’t truly tell you it will be “alright” in yours.

What I can tell you, though, is there is nothing like the power of a mother.

There is nothing like the unstoppable Mama Bear who will be there and advocate and take to task whoever’ be it a doctor, insurance company, therapist, school, whoever she has to to fight for her child.

There is nothing like a Mama who loves beyond measure and believes in her child.

No matter where this path takes you, know that you’re not alone.

And know that you and your sweet child will be okay- whatever your “okay” looks like.

One day you’ll look back and these feelings you have now won’t be so raw. You will feel stronger and more seasoned. You will have a new understanding of yourself, your child, and the world around you.

You will get to the other side.

I’ll be cheering you on along the way.

Love,

Me

Parenting, Social Media

When There Are No Words

Marisa

This blog has been quiet lately. It hasn’t been because I’ve forgotten about it or abandoned it. I simply haven’t been able to find the words.

Things in our world seem so heavy. There are literally cities burning. There is social unrest and passionate pleas for justice. There is COVID. There is a disturbing, disappointing, and disgusting election cycle well underway.

This is all on top of our daily lives. We each have our own struggles that we are facing down. It feels like there are just so many proverbial balls in the air at once.

All of this is giving my anxiety its own fresh set of anxiety.

There are some topics I try my darnedest to avoid, but sometimes silence is compliance. Sometimes we have to use our voices and our platforms to speak up and speak out. Sometimes we have to do this even when it is heavy.

I am just a mom. I am a mom who is doing my best to raise up her children as good humans. I am also a mom who has two little boys who fit into a marginalized segment of society. I am a mom of two young ladies who I want to raise to be fierce and strong and unstoppable.

I am a mom and a woman and a human who is existing in a world right now that seems to openly tell some of us we’re wrong. It tells us we are wrong because of the color of our skin or because of who we love or because of our gender or our social status or because of our different abilities. It tells us we are wrong because we care too much.

Yet, these same loud voices that tell us we are wrong for simply being who we are made to be refuse to accept that it is the content of character that one should be judged by.

Those loud voices are wrong. Racism is wrong. Sexism is wrong. Xenophobia is wrong. Homophobia is wrong. Discrimination is wrong. Harassment is wrong. It is all wrong.

These loud voices hide behind computer screens and keyboards and find themselves emboldened by the current state of affairs. They lob insults and words of hate towards others who feel differently, who think differently, who believe differently, and who, in some cases, are just different from them. It is all wrong.

Those loud voices fail to accept that it is your actions and your treatment of other people especially those who may be different from you that tells me more about you than anything else.

Somewhere along the line being a bleeding heart, having a heart, or just caring for others in general became a bad thing. I refuse to accept the “screw you because I got mine” mentality as the status quo or even as mildly acceptable. I doesn’t sit well within my soul or my heart.

I speak openly about kindness and how it matters. I speak openly about choosing your words carefully because they have impact and they matter. I advocate for love and acceptance. I believe in these principles in the core of my soul.

Regardless of the powder keg that is social media and society and our leader, I truly believe that kindness still matters. Words should still be chosen carefully. Love still wins.

The whole world can be divided. It can feel like it is on fire. The hatred can rage. It won’t change me or my heart or the content of my character.

If anyone of us want to change the world, it starts at home. It starts in how we raise our families and in how we treat others. It starts in sometimes stepping back and learning from others and getting a little uncomfortable. It starts in understanding one another. It starts with kindness and love and being a good human.

Be kind.

Love one another even when it is hard.

Be a good human.